wilkinmatt@********.com says:
 - Hi afif
 - I saw some petronas drums arrive here recently
That was an offline message on MSN messenger i got from my mate Matt a few days back. Matt is a person from my Formula SAE days where the dreams of working in F1 were still very much acheivable posibilities. Matt works for Mercedes GP Petronas. I'm still in Petronas, never having the opportunity to work on the circuit let alone live out the Uni dreams of the glam and glitter of F1. We both did Automotive Engineering at The University of Leeds, albeit him being a few years my senior degree wise but we're the same age.
 matt is the one second from the right
Right, this entry is not about our degrees as quite a number of my coursemates are now in F1 but about careers, the paths we take and the choices we make. When I first joined Petronas, it was with the intent of getting into F1. I even got the Petronas UK student advisor to lobby for me. Alas, Petronas at the time was winding down their technical involvement in F1 and i ended up in research developing lubricants. F1 lubricants was the way for me to get into F1 but recent developments and the Petronas purchase of FL Selenia kinda changed the way lubricant development projects are run in Petronas. A good example is the drums Matt was talking about. Petronas drums. Those are probably the F1 lubricant or hydraulic fluid and most probably have come from FL Selenia, now known as Petronas Lubricants International (PLI) not from Petronas Research.

 So, there is not much drive for me to be in Lubricant research anymore. I have realised that maybe F1 is not what I really want to do. So it brings me to my dilemma of "What do I really want to do?". I know i want to be in the front line. To do things that have a big impact, something worth waking up early and smile about first thing in the morning, something worth losing some sleep over, something of more significance than just writing reports... 

 I don't think i'll find the solution anytime soon. The dilemma will continue... in the mean time i have the things I do outside work that gives me the satisfaction i do not get from my day job. Yes, priorities change. Interests change over time. But it's really frustrating not knowing one own wants...